HAMILTON MAN STILL WAITING FOR JUSTICE

MERCERVILLE -- A 28-year-old Mercerville man has been waiting 10 years for justice
in a lawsuit filed with Hamilton Township and the State of New Jersey. Mr. Jeff Saia is still
awaiting his day in court and was recently quoted as saying "It is a living nightmare and I
think the Township and the State of New Jersey need to pay for the damage they've done".
Mr. Saia contends that both Hamilton Township and the State of New Jersey have
inappropriately discriminated against him by building the sidewalks too close to his ass.

Former Mayor Jack Rafferty, mayor at the time the lawsuit was filed, recently remarked on
this case, "At the time the suit was filed in 1992 we tried to make amends by providing platform
shoes for Mr. Saia. However, he chose to continue the lawsuit, we even suggested that he
walk on his 'tippy' toes whenever possible.

Current mayor Gilmore was quoted as saying "The lawsuit is fruitless, besides, I think Phil
Kempisty's couch deserves justice too. Have you seen the ass prints left in that couch?"

Due to the incident with the sidewalks being too close to his posterior, Saia claims he has
suffered from mental anguish and maintains that he must smoke marijuana from a bong to
ease his sorrows. Saia claims that he tried walking on his 'tippy' toes, as former Mayor
Rafferty suggested, however, it forced him to require hand surgery. Medical experts have
yet to find any correlation between the 'tippy' toes and hand surgery.